Ritagail’s posterous

 



June 1, 2009

update on sketches from Masses book

Progress is being made............and stressed out as well...........

When I received my proof there were 10 images missing.  However, when contacting the printer, they reassured me that my pdf file I'd worked on was fine, it's just that the "missing" didn't print for some reason in their process, and that all 10 images had been restored.

So I ordered another copy that arrived today............only 4 are missing now...........I've sent them a note to ask them about it.

The quality is very good, in fact, I should probably make a snazzier cover to match, but, right now I'm frazzled from trying to get the inside images all in there. 

This means, if they tell me they can get the other 4 in there that I will have to order another copy before the rest of you can buy it to make sure everything's in there ok.  If, however, they tell me they can't get the other 4 to print, then I'll just let you all buy it the way it is.

As you may remember:  I've been very very very discouraged over "Church" lately, and, God let me know that I didn't have to work on this project anymore if I didn't want to.........I've got plenty of my vile poems to turn into one or more books, and I could work on some children's stories, etc., evidently "print" works better than a book of images, so, I COULD be using my time and money to do something else.

But, I wanted to do this for God and to share with the rest of you/the world.  Sure hope my fussing is worth it!

Stay tuned.

Ritagail

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May 21, 2009

roses and poppies

You don't have to have a lot of garden space to bring beauty into your life.  Or fancy tools.  Or big bucks.

These photos are taken from my small flower beds.  The poppies were grown from seed.

           
Click here to download:
roses_and_poppies.zip (209 KB)

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May 20, 2009

ramblings

Some of you may wonder why I haven't been posting.  I've been going through a period of disillusionment and discernment.  Or, maybe it's discerning disillusionment.  I won't go into great detail, except to say that I am saddened,sickened,disheartened, weary of, etc. and so forth what passes as "Christianity", both locally and internationally.
 
I suppose I should give one brief concrete example.  I'm mostly "pro-life", however, I've decided that the majority of the Actions of the "pro-lifers" do not speak for me.  I personally find some of their attitudes no better than stories of persons taking picnics to public hangings.  I won't get any more specific than that as it could cause scandal to some sensitive persons.
 
In other "news" about me:  The proof copy of the greyscale book of my sketches from Mass will arrive this week.  I'm working on completing the color version.  When I get them both finished and they are available online, I'll let everyone know. 
 
In working with the images of my sketches, I've been carrying on a conversation with God.  Or trying to.  Trying to listen.  I think that my writing/art will be taking a turn towards reminding/encouraging Christians of the Risen One and His Love.  This isn't popular these days, and I feel totally inadequate for the "vocation", but, if this is what God wants, then I will do the best I can.  I'm not sure where this new direction is going.  I know that I've made a decision NOT to dwell on this earth as a cranky disgruntled Christian, however, I'm not sure what comes next, once a person consciously makes this decision.  And I know I''m going to bumble through much of it.
 
I've also been trying to actively practice in my life themes from Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection's "Practicing the Presence of God".  Brother Lawrence lived a long time ago and his book is online for anyone who wants to read/practice it.
 
So stay tuned.
 
Here is what I wrote in my journal today:
 
Day dreaming about what to say at a lecture or news conference.
 
I'm "against" a lot of things.  I'm against abortion.  I'm against people using their social position and/or money to get their own agendas pushed through.  I'm also against alleged Christians who use moral issues as a social club for the comfortable, rather than focus on Jesus and taking care of each other.
 
But, the faithful life of a Christian must not be lived out of what we are against, it must be lived out of what we are journeying towards:  We are journeying towards a loving King Who conquered death for everyone so that we might live after death, and not despair of what happens in this life.  We are journeying towards a loving God Who cared so much for Creation that this personal God consciously made the decision to become one of us, so that in His flesh He may become One with Us, and that we might know His personal indwelling, eternal Love, AND, so that we might share this love with each other while still on this side of the grave.
 
A Christian must strive to live out of this love, not out of rules, regulations, appearances, "right"; or what appears to us to be "wrong".  Our Master's final commandment is that we love each other by laying down our lives for each other, by going that extra mile when we don't want to and/or when we aren't even sure if the effort will be worth it.
 
Its a hard thing to do such a simple task as loving, but it is what our Lord Jesus Christ asks us to do.

AIl else must come from this.

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April 12, 2009

Easter Vigil sketch

   
Click here to download:
Easter_Vigil_sketch.zip (85 KB)

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April 10, 2009

The Friend Explains


I, the Creator,
The Garden planter,
The LIfe-Nurturer,
Grew from essence to human form,
Knowing the hell I would wreak
On religious persons' beliefs.
Knowing that immediately following My
Resurrection
And departure,
Those I showed myself to--
Those I divulged
Both
My Divinity and Humanity to--
Would squabble and dilute My
Love
Back down to a lifeless religion.

So, why did I even bother?

For you.

   
Click here to download:
The_Friend_Explains.zip (40 KB)

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March 30, 2009

brightening the pre-Easter blues

For those of you stuck in an office or other indoor space.

           
Click here to download:
brightening_the_pre-Easter_blu.zip (376 KB)

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March 8, 2009

sharing blessing

I'm sharing today's Mass sketch and experience.  This sketch is very simple, mostly of the cross that is used to represent the "desert" atmosphere of Lent.

I was using purples and browns to try to represent spiritual and earthy together.  It was at 8AM Mass.  The priest spoke about God's incredible love for us. 

At some point, a man I didn't know sat behind me.  He was late.  It felt like he was peeking over my shoulder.  It was an effort to push worries aside that he was going to be one of those who are irritated with my drawing...."disrespectful".

But I just kept on drawing--trying to get the feeling of Jesus' Heart radiating Love.  (Stopping at certain times during prayers, of course.) 

Right before Communion, the man leaned down and whispered, "That's beautiful", or, "That's good", I don't remember which, because I was stammering "Thank you", trying to check my emotion, and trying to keep from tripping over my own feet and the kneeler on the way to Communion. 

And Thanking God.

When I got back to my pew, the man had already left.  It took awhile, but eventually the tears came, I had to work hard to keep from sobbing.  Not from grief or fear, but an incredible profound gratitude.  There is no way that this man could have known that just yesterday I had knelt down, face to floor to ask God's blessing on my efforts to put my Mass sketches into book form.   No way that he knew I felt sick last night and couldn't go to Mass, so I rode my bicycle early this morning.  No way of knowing that this isn't the regular Mass I attend.

Definitely no way of knowing that about 15 years ago I was trying to answer "God's Call" to some kind of writing/art ministry, only to be thwarted by various church persons of more than one denomination, and one particular school of theology.

Sure, this morning's experience could all be coincidence  But in my innermost being, I sense it was a blessing by God on my work.  "Keep Going Kid.......Yes, you heard My Call and Yes, it's going to be a pain, but if you keep working that gift I gave you................it will return to Me fruitful and multiplied.  A blessing to My people as well as to yourself.  Now get busy!"

For those of you pursuing some kind of call on your life, maybe you are in a dim time or even a pitch blue-black seemingly dead-end dungeon..........here's a poem I wrote a few days ago that will hopefully help renew your vision:


Answering "God's Call"
Frequently feels like
Being shredded
While dragged
Through a brick wall.
Do I endure?
Should I go backwards?
Did I hear
Any
Such thing as a "Call" at all?
And then, one day,
As a gradual dawn
Gently awakens morning's song,
You realize you've made it
Through
The blasted wall--
Perhaps bleeding, wounded,
Even shredded beyond recognition,
But you've made it through
And there stands God,
Arms thrown wide,
A smile broader than the
Canyon Grand.
And you have the right
To shout:
"God!  WHAT were
Ya
Thinkin'!?
And then smile and run
Into the Canyon,
Oblivious to the naysayers,
Because down in God's Canyon
Are the stars--
You've arrived.

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March 7, 2009

weekend reflection, Romans 8:34

(Amplified version)
Romans 8:34:  "Who is there to condemn [us]? Will Christ Jesus (the Messiah), Who died, or rather Who was raised from the dead, Who is at the right hand of God actually pleading as He intercedes for us?"

**********************************************

A billboard I saw while biking home yesterday disgusted me.  Out of forcing myself to be charitable, I won't mention the denomination. 

This billboard leaves the impression of an image of a foreclosed home, with the words something like:  "Looking for a new home?".......then, of course, the name of the church (new home) they want you to come join is on there.

I thought to myself, WHY would anyone want to join a church that takes advantage of people's misfortunes? 

We alleged members of Christianity still don't get that we have created an environment where the social-political groups known as "Church" have been exalted to a place above God.....above Jesus Christ.

Who does the Scripture say is pleading for us?  Not Rev. She or He.  Not lay leader Mr. or Mrs.  Not even Loud Mouth Poet.

Jesus Christ.

Plain and simple.

I know the following isn't part of the lectionary this weekend, but I'm reminded of it, so I'll quote it.  Revelations 3:20 (NASB version):

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, [then] I will enter his house and dine with him and he with me."

Jesus isn't just alive pleading our cause because we are such sinful disgusting creatures in need of salvation......He's pleading for US to come to Him........to come to God in Relationship.......in Friendship.

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February 28, 2009

Gospel and John Denver/my book


I'm going through a major John Denver phase.  When I was a kid, I loved his music, even wrote a few songs myself in his style.  One bit I remember:

Come into my garden
Where there's nothing but love
Come into my garden
Where the birds sing up above.
There's a marble seat
Where you can rest your feet
And your weary mind.
These are a part
Of my heart,
All of them you will find.
Come into my garden
Where there's nothing but love,
Come into my garden
Where the bird sing up above.

Yeah, I was 13/14 when I wrote that.  It has a folksy tune to it.

Anyway, so I'm in this major John Denver phase, especially after finding out he is on the list of possible Aspies.  I know why I'm going through this phase, basically for 2 main reasons:

1)  John Denver's love for the outdoors and his singing represent the best parts of my Dad.  I can listen to his songs, play them, sing them, and they fill a void left by my parents.

2)  John Denver wrote it like it was for himself, but also to share with others.  His own voice.  And in doing so, he nurtures anyone willing to listen, not so much to imitate him as to find their own voice.  My own voice.

Now, in this frame of mind, trying to drag Spring out of Winter, seeing the robins and the woodpeckers in the still bare woods with the grass greening and a few tentative purple flowers peeking out, some daffodils blooming, the dirt thirsty for rain so it can become life-giving mud,  I read the following in this weekend's liturgical Gospel reading:

(About Jesus' forty days in the wilderness/desert.)  Mark 1:13b  (NASB)

"He (Jesus) was among wild beasts, and the angels ministered to him."

The version known as The Message reads:  "Wild animals were his companions, and angels took care of him. "

I looked at that for a long time.  And, in spite of trying to find something more intellectual/spiritual, this is what I kept meditating on.  Jesus out there with the animals and angels.  Not another human around.  Nature/Creation nurturing the Creator.

Think about it.  How many times do we kind of gloss over those passages where Jesus goes off by Himself?  He's kind of always pictured as kneeling down, hard at prayer, which doesn't bother me, but, what if Jesus was also enjoying the plants, the soil, sand, water, animals, extraterrestrials (aka angels).  We always say Jesus is our example.  Well, what would it mean if Jesus was able to keep His sanity because, in between visits to Temple and people's homes, he recharged in Nature/Cosmos?

Ever wonder why Jesus didn't go into the Temple, rise through the roof or something, when He ascended?  (Read Acts 1:1-10.....they were OUTdoors.)

Lots of us have been made to feel like we are some kind of aliens when we say we get God through Nature more than Church.  What if Jesus' example combines both?  Think about it, you hear sermons/homilies preached referring to Jesus in the Garden.........   .and................in the Beginning, God planted a garden.......not man or humankind..........GOD planted a garden................Genesis 2:8.  (Some of you will now say that Scripture isn't to be taken literally................that's your choice.)

Anyway, just some thoughts rolling around in that thing of mine called a brain.

And now, about my book:

It came yesterday.  I thought it was coming by US mail, and, as there was an empty mailbox, I told myself to just be patient.  I was reading when I heard the UPS truck.  He stopped outside, ran to the door, knocked, ran back to the truck.  I waved after I finally got to the door.  I thought it was my seeds I'd ordered in hopes of having a garden this year.

It was "Mornin' Glory Blues", my book.

I was elated.  I was terrified.

The inside images are ok.  Some of them are more than ok.  The color cover is Beautiful, at least to me.

Inside, there are a few minor typos I made that I hadn't caught, and I was going to redo the whole file, but, my husband, and I think he's wise in this, said that as the typos are so minor, that redoing the file and reuploading it from the library is riskier than simply saying "ok to print". 

I'm waiting for him to get up this morning so he can join me when I do that, so we can share that moment together and celebrate.

WHY is this so important to me, even though I don't consider this to be a "seller"?

At first I thought it was because of my seminary experience, and it partly is.  I heard The Call to literary and visual arts before and during and after that experience, but nobody wanted to help me then, and very few have wanted to help me since.  I've done this in spite of all kinds of setbacks and naysayers and other peoples' yammerings..............and in spite of my own fears. 

I note that most of these poems have been on my websites for a few years, and, now that they are in "book form" where everyone can see the tangible result, some people want to read the poems.  Sure, I could let that irritate me, but I choose instead to celebrate the fact that I've created a work of art..........a book of angry, painful poems interspersed with a few ligther ones and some not too shabby visual images. 

God helped me be stubborn enough.  St. Teresa of Jesus calls it "determination".

But, beyond seminary and church, this book has taken on another, deeper meaning.  Remember the verses from my teenage years at the beginning of this lengthy essay?  I wrote those when I was in a mental institution.  One thing I don't write/talk much about, is that during my first 18 years of life, beginning at about age 10, I would run away from home.  Partly hoping my absence would make Dad stop beating Mom, partly to get away from Dad's violence, partly because I was so confused and sad, I had no idea what to do.

Several times, I was thrown in jail (running away is called "desertion of home"), or juvenile detention.  Once I was put into the mental institution.  I had my 14th birthday in there.  It was here that I had some life-giving experiences, some that are just now beginning to make sense to me. 

One of these is because my parents refused to give me an allowance.  All children were supposed to be given a bit of spending money, and my parents refused (not because they couldn't afford it).  Some of the Aids thought so much of my poems that they mimeographed them and sold them and gave me the money  My parents threw a fit.  I don't remember what happened with that, except as noted below, but I DO remember, and can now appreciate, the fact that other people valued my poems. 

For decades, the one thing that echoed in my soul from my parents at this time is Dad saying those people were just "humoring" me.  I believed him, even when I thought I didn't.  It nearly ruined me.

And so it is, that this book is honoring God's gift of poetry to me, the persons who have always seen something of value in my poetry, and, for lack of better words, throwing Dad's cruel comment off my back.

May it stay off.

Below is the link to my online bookstore.  If you order through here, I get to keep more of the royalties.  It will also be widely available on Amazon in about three weeks, but Amazon takes a portion of the royalties. 

They say it will take five days for the cover image to show up on my bookstore.  You might not like this one, and that's ok.  I'll be working on others in the coming year(s) and will post about them here.    If you do buy one and live in the area, be sure to find me and I'll sign it for you.

https://www.createspace.com/3373531

John Denver used to exclaim, "Far Out!".  I'd echo that, but, finding my own voice, well, yesterday, I just squealed, followed by "It's My Book!!!!"

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February 25, 2009

A Good Lenten Groaning to Y'all


Riding my bicycle
In a murky dawn
To receive ash smudged on my aging forehead,
Finding myself hoping the
Cover of the next
Bulletin will be correct--
The one with both
English and Spanish
To make Jesus welcoming to
All.
And then I think of recent weeks,
Of persons clammering
For power,
Of persons yammering
Over words and buildings and money and carpets and priests and pews and appearances and everything
BUT JESUS;
Knowing that we'll be told today
How we must mortify the heck out of ourselves
Because we are so
Sin-full, no good, dirty rotten, backstabbing, stiffnecked creatures.
And, that,
Usually,
I wholeheartedly agree,
And I disgustedly ask myself
Why
I even try to make the bulletin
Or any transient piece of church paper
Inclusively Welcoming...
When it hits me with a force
Inside and around
That I nearly clatter my bicycle
on the street...

I Love Them.

Not just God,
I love these flawed fickle foolsome folks
In spite of us all,
And I realize what my priest friend said
Is true--
I'm Smack! in the center of the Heart of God.

Oh hel-p!

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