Ritagail’s posterous

And so,
I followed God,
Tried to, near as any Human
Grounded
On this Earth
Can follow Spirit.
Feeble, sometimes going
sdrawkcab,
Painstakingly, life was built
Around Beauty and Love
Weaving in barbs and thorns
With the deep cuts of devastation
Carving character.
And there it was:  Life.
Until some fellow Humans,
Why, I don't know,
Flattened it all with one
Axe swing of human society:
The Greater Good.
Standing there,
Bewildered,
Shocked,
Lost--
The Spirit moved and beckoned me
Away.
'WHY?"
I accused, unmoving.
"You are God--WHY?"
And that blasted Spirit whispered some
rot about it not
Being God who destroyed,
But, Humanity-made-by-God--
And, therein must God forgive.
"Follow me",
Again the Spirit beckoned,
Whispering of rebuilding.
"You build it!"  I snarled,
And sat.
For years.
One day, that old Spirit breathed round
Again--
"I finished it for you.  Enter."
God!
It's
Beautiful!!

rgcb 2009

Yes, I drove Manasseh (our car) into the Osage Hills, where we joyfully traipsed through oak leaves, in between boulders, found the old rusted out (nearly gone) truck skeletons...and just breathed!  (Some of you may have forgotten, my husband can't drive due to his visual challenges, so, the dear man must put up with his wife's slow and cautious driving style.)

Remember my characters from the "Poet's Journey's"?  I used Bendaroos to make some 3D of them.  (The pink piece of star character is a tiny piece of rose quartz.)  I'm currently working on a new journey, different than the others, but with the same base characters. 

In one of the pictures, you will see the leaf hopper (that's what I call it) got into the act...I didn't know this until I got home and looked at my photos--it had flown up to say "Hi" to me while I was snapping the shutter at different angles, so I took it's portrait.

It was my hubby's idea to take photos of the bagworm on top of the rusty truck skeleton.  What a fantastic abstract it provided!!

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poem about 31 years of marriage

This Love
That has snuck up on
Me--
From Whence has it come?
'Tis stronger than our first,
Forged in the fires
Of near ruin
And poverty
And rejection by society,
Betrayal by religion--
NOT by God--
And here you are teasing me
About losing the path
In the woods,
Eating my homemade
Pumpkin pie,
Sitting in the car while
Waiting
For your foolish wife
Who is lying down
On the autumn ground
Taking a photo up through the air
Of an autumn blazed oak
Against Heaven's Blue Promise.
This Love,
This tender companionship
In the autumn of our lives,
That has snuck up on me--
From whence did it come?
Ah!  Holy Mystery!!

rgcb

Remember the holiday movie "It's a Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart?  That's the old movie where Jimmy Stewart plays George Bailey, the good guy who never gets to go anywhere.  The big bad banker in town makes George's life so miserable that George wants to jump from a bridge--suicide--and then an inempt angel named Clarence shows up to help George out.  George ends up seeing what life would be like in the world without him, decides he wants to live, and, if I remember correctly, when George comes into the house where the bank examiner is, says with a big smile:  "I'm goin' to jail--Isn't it Wonderful?".  

I went through a time when I liked this movie, then, I went through a time where I hated it, couldn't bear to be within earshot of it.  I won't go through the long litany of heartbreaks, failures, bitter dissapointments, etc., it suffices to say life has been hard, as it is for many.

Yesterday, our older son, our daughter-in-law, our granddaughter, and our grandson visited.  They also brought us an older but good used car....which I can't drive yet due to a tangle in paperwork...so it is sitting pretty in our driveway. 

More waiting over something which I have very little control.

Usually, this would throw me into a tizzy, and it did a bit after the kids left, but oh! those precious memories of the day, and while many memories are something I WILL write in a private journal, two stand out more than any: 

1)  Our granddaughter sitting in a room by herself working with clay, and, when I asked her if she wanted me to stay with her, she said "yes"....so we made clay pumpkins with faces like jack o'lanterns.

2)  As they were getting ready to leave, I called out if they wanted me to send the rest of the cookies I'd baked home with them, I heard at least one "yes", and, as I was packing them into a bag, our little grandson found me, looked up at me and said with a bit of a question, and a bit of demand, "Cookie...".   So we asked Mom if he could have one or half of one, and, when she agreed to half of one, there was the little guy's big face running off with his prize from this middle-aged granny.

Now I have to go back to Real Life:  Did you know there is a car in your driveway that you can't drive yet?  Do you realize you are nearly 50 and have no financial or social status and that your student loans that you racked up while trying to "follow God's Will" are going to follow you to your grave?  Do you know the Christianity you have sought to be a part of all your life is quickly "going to Hell in a handbasket?"  Do you realize.....Do you know.......

Yeah.  I know. 

Isn't it Wonderful?

Somewhere, a bell rings.

'Attaboy Clarence"

Unfortunately, God loves us all, and, has gotten me to reading St. Teresa of Jesus Interior Castle.  One of the points she stresses is not being afraid to find our own path, to walk in it.

Instead of my path being a fiery evangelist who tells everyone what Real Christianity Is, it would seem that my path is more about God's Love, God's Beauty, God's Poetry, etc.

In respect of that, here are some of my older sketches that I found in a cupboard yesterday while looking for something else......which I never found.......

However, knowing that many of this weekend's bulletins will end up in the garbage, I'm suggesting those of you who live in the area keep this cover.  It's my work this time.  Usually, special covers are the work of the wonderful art department at Trinity Publications, and I can choose not to order any of theirs, or order from their choices.  (I also suggest you hang on to theirs.)  This time, our pastor asked for a special cover for Our Lady of the Rosary, and I asked if I could do it.  He told me to go ahead. 

I took photos around our church, then used what software is available to me (not PhotoShop), to make the cover.  I enjoyed it, but didn't know how it would print.  It looks fine.  In fact, it looks more than fine, even Miss OverSelfCritical here can see that.

However, now I'm in a quandary...I didn't "self-promote" ahead of time, and, it seems a few are interested in it after they find out it's "mine". 

And, on top of that, many many of my former Protestant church members, as well as several of my relatives would be quick to tell me I'm on my way to Hell or at the very least annihilation for bringing attention to Mother Mary.  (God's really having fun with me, I am not "Marian", but lookie who was the subject matter for Beauty.)

So, my suggestion is, hang on to it--it might be worth something after I'm dead and flamin'!

;0)

For those of you not in the area, I'm attempting to attach an image of the cover.

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Husband Approved (and enjoyed)

A trip to the Rocky Mountains
With you
Is what I desire.
Just a trip up the Plains
To see the International
Peace
Gardens would be enough
For you.
Most likely,
We will never see either,
Being impoverished since those early
Giddy years when LOVE
Was all that mattered,
Followed by those bitter
Fighting years when Surviving
Was all that mattered,
Melting into the memory
Of the Decades of Disillusionment
When Reality that society
(And "church")
Are never going to allow us to be
Free--
At least, not by their definition.
And so it is that
God,
Seeing The Humans would not grant us
Three Wishes,
Granted us One Divine Gift
Of LOVE
For each other after 30 years,
Thirty-one next month.......
After three decades of living
Off
The junk heap scraps of others,
God
Mandated that we will walk
Through changing seasons of the woods
Together--
Holding each other against the
Rigid Fences--
Those Fences that don't imprison us,
But them
And, I'm just crazy enough
To run around all outside
Those razored edged Fences
That they think protect them
From people like us,
Running around dancing with a banner
Waving
Behind me:
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
       !!!

rgcb 2009

Yesterday at Mass, I was "caught" by the reading of the Gospel where Jesus picks up a little child and, basically, uses the child for an object lesson..............(paraphrased from memory) "If you receive one of these....". 

While standing there, immediately the image of myself being put in the midst of all these churchy folks.....complete with my reddened/blistered nose.  Yes, I had/have a few pimples that are wreaking havoc underneath a sunburn.........bright red while my cheeks are relatively pale.....out front where EVERYbody can see it.

Nobody said anything at Mass, thank goodness, but, one lady just had to point it out to me before Mass.  Now, in all fairness she was trying to be motherly, something I've been guilty of.......ending her talk by telling me I could put a hot wet washrag on it to burst the whitehead..........

So, there I am standing for the Gospel, with this image of me being God's object lesson:  "Look at this Child of mine, bicycling her way to Mass, not hiding even with her big red nose!!"  (Great, NOW I'm God's Rudolph!!!  Haven't flown yet, gee whiz, ya'd think I'd get SOME compensation!!)

Anybody going to join me out there being one of God's object lessons???  Maybe we could start a club or something.  Oh wait, I forgot......THAT'S supposed to be CHURCH!!!!

Red Nose Blinking Over and Out

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For those of you who are worried that Vatican II priests/bishops are hiding during the current sickening power grab, here is a link to a letter posted on National Catholic Reporter from a priest to his bishop:

http://ncronline.org/blogs/ncr-today/kansas-city-st-joseph-diocese-priest-criticizes-his-bishops-leadership